He wanted to tell her he did not want to cry again. He did not.

The Aftermath

What Emily Dickinson did not mention when she wrote 'After great pain a formal feeling comes':  the struggle between stubbornness to maintain formality and the willingness to yield is just as painful.

Broken Promises & Disturbed Sleep

He wanted to announce that falling out of sleep at 3.30 AM was not waking up. That the broken promise of sleep still had a redemptive possibility. Waking up was reserved for 6 AM, when staring into the unforgiving empty day did not have the promise of a hiding place.